Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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