That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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