Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
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Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
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Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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