Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
