I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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