I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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