I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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