dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
