I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize