i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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