I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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