It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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