i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
