If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.