hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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