There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
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Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
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I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Congratulations! We have a period
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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