I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
