I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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