Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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