dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
