even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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