i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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