We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize