How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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