ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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