This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
