ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.