the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
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i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?