there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed