my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
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THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
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He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed