My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
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Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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