just come out here and I will go home with you...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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