1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
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Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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