My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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