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i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
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