wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'