maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize