Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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