I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems