I didn't shave. On purpose
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?