you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas