Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.