I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.