Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.