Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Small penises have feelings too.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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