I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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