dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
