I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
where are my eyebrows?
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