I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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