My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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