im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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