I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I enjoy the company of your penis
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