My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
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He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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