I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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