Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
