I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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