i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
