im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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