Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
